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Overthinking and Stuck in Your Head One of the most common reasons that clients tell me they seek psychotherapy is because they have a tendency to be “too in their heads.”  It breaks my heart to hear the various stories in which clients have missed out on opportunities as a result of being “too closed off, inaccessible, or emotionally shut down.”    This particular subject matter is also close to my heart because I can 100% relate!  As a therapist, I am trained to be an expert analyzer, listener, and guide.  It can be very easy to get stuck in this mode of analysis and neglect the body and heart.  What I had learned, over time, is that too much head and not enough heart had led me to be perceived as cold and unemotional.    The worst part is that I had no idea!  I thought I was being open, vulnerable, and accessible to my clients, friends, and family; however, come to find out that was only true some of the time and not even close to being true compared to my perception.      I remember one time a friend had even thrown out the term “ice queen” and it completely took me by surprise.  I look back on that moment now and have the utmost respect for this friend for it was this comment that set me on a journey of self-discovery and it woke me up to things that had been residing in my blind spots.  Today, while it is still not always easy, I practice compassion, self-love, vulnerability, and bravery every day.  Now I don’t even recognize the woman I used to be.  Transformation can be funny that way.    It has become my mission to share the tips, coping skills, and guidance with each and every one of my clients and it is my hope that they are able to glean some benefit as well.  I’d like to share some these tips with you so that everyone can benefit!  Here is a list of ways in which you can stay stuck in your head:   1)  The trap of overthinking  – overthinkers tend to create the illusion that they will be able to solve a problem faster and with greater excellence if they analyze the crap out of it!  However, this is a trap.  Oftentimes, the only thing we actually do wind up accomplishing is creating more grounds for further overthinking and a stomach ulcer.    Neurologically, what we are doing is creating neural networks (connections that our brain makes to help us keep doing something) that keep us stuck in this unhelpful pattern.  In other words, the more often that we overthink, the more automatic it becomes and over time it becomes a habit.  The longer the habit, the harder it is to break.   2)  Anxiety about the future –  70% of our brain is wired to see the bad in things, this is also known as negative bias.  While this statement can be sobering in its own right, it’s important to understand that this is as a result of survival.  Humans are primed to be on the lookout for threats to their safety so that they are prepared to either fight or flee from the threat.  In turn, we are better prepared to conquer the threat and are more likely to survive.  The problem is that in the modern age, there are far less threats to our survival but far more perceived threats (I.e. insults, rejection, condescension, judgment, ostracism from a group).  While these threats are oftentimes not deadly, the mechanism still kicks in regardless and the result is a brain that is consistently activated and ready to defend itself quickly.  No wonder we have so much anxiety!  What happens is, over time, we begin to become constantly fixated on anticipating the next threat and can become obsessed with this state of fear.  As this occurs, it takes us further and further out of the moment and further removed from relationships, self-care, leisure and recreation, etc.    Oftentimes, without even knowing it, we begin to avoid giving attention to important domains of our lives and this can even lead to neglect.  This can lead to health problems, loss of relationships, crippling depression, and anxiety as a way of being.  3)  Avoidance/overly focus on other people  – this one tends to affect parents and caregivers most often but can affect everyone at any given time.  When we direct our attention outward it becomes easier to deny how we’re feeling on the inside.  Additionally, when it is our profession or role as a parent to help others, we begin to adopt the false belief that we are responsible for the well-being of others, this can very quickly become a problem.    [Distinction: parents are responsible for being a guide, setting and enforcing boundaries, and teaching their children morals and values but they are not responsible for how the child feels about and reacts to these things].  This is also how individuals begin to lose their identity – they become so wrapped in their role as a guide/teacher/mentor/authority that they stop putting their needs first.  Over time, putting others first becomes a way of being and the individual suffers.  4)  Lack of awareness  – sometimes I will see clients who are truly stumped when it comes to figuring out why they are so unhappy.  Through a process of analysis, it is often found that the client was never taught how to express emotions during childhood.    This leads to the individual living their life according to others’ morals and values because they never learned to identify their own wants and needs. Therefore, they never ask for nor pursue these wants and needs and they are left feeling unfulfilled.    This is often why mid-life crises occur – the individual becomes so used to doing things because he/she was “supposed to” do them, according to family values and societal values, but never really understood why they were doing them (i.e. get married, have kids, work in high stress yet unfulfilling jobs).  5)  I have to be perfect  – vulnerability is a carefully crafted skill that takes time to practice and master.  In Western culture, the perception is that showing emotions is a sign of weakness and therefore should not be shown if you want to be taken seriously.  This value is crippling us as human beings as it creates a message that it is not safe to feel nor express emotions.  This is in stark contradiction with how we are wired, how our brains work, and what we are designed to do: connect.  Perfection is a nonexistent standard that keeps us quiet yet keeps us striving for something that we’ll never reach.  Ways to get out of your head : 1)  Talk it out  – talking to others seems so simple but is often easily dismissed.  Opening ourselves up to others is one of the best ways to reduce shame, increase vulnerability, feel connected, and most of all, it helps us feel not alone.  Everyone suffers.  When we stop denying this fact and start connecting with others regarding the universality of suffering, the world begins to heal.  Recommendation: call one friend or family member every day for 30 days and journal about your experience.  Notice what opens up for you and notice how it makes you feel overall.   2)  Stay present  – meditation is one of the best ways to practice being present in the moment.  It is so easy to get bogged down by thoughts of the past and paralyzed by fears of the future.  Taking 10-30 minutes each day to just be present with your thoughts and feelings can have a dramatic effect on restructuring the brain so that it is primed to receive and give joy more consistently.  It helps to overcome our natural programming for negative bias as well.    Recommendation: Download a meditation app to help get you started.  I like Headspace and Insight Timer.  Meditate every day for 30 days and journal your experience.    3)  Thought replacement  – when you notice that you are getting stuck in your head try to recognize it right away, this brings awareness to the onset of the problem.  Once you notice that your head is filling up with negative thoughts and judgments, make it a habit to immediately replace these thoughts with positive ones.  Over time, this also restructures the brain so that thinking positively and feeling better become second nature as opposed to feeling sad/lonely/angry/resentful/depressed right away.  Recommendation: make a list of replacement thoughts.  Choose your top 5 and right them on a Post-it note.  Place this Post-it note on your mirror or somewhere you are likely to see it several times thoughout the day.  This will serve as a reminder to replace your thoughts often.   4)  Take a walk  – the mechanism of activating the right side of your body followed by the left side of your body in a subsequent fashion has been scientifically found to be responsible for the calming effect we feel while we walk.  Walking releases endorphins and increases serotonin which elevates our mood.  When we give our minds a task such a walking it becomes more focused on the biological processes that are taking place and allows for less attention on our thoughts.  Recommendation: take a 20 minute walk every day to train your mind and body to elevate your mood and change the habit of staying stuck in your head.   Staying stuck in your head can actually be a much bigger problem than people are typically willing to admit.  Further, the very nature of the problem prohibits you from reaching out and asking for help.  Kept in for too long, this leads to degeneration, disease, burn out, and a host of mental health issues.  If you’re stuck in your head and not sure how to get out, connect with one of the best counselors in Charlotte today.  Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

One of the most common reasons that clients tell me they seek psychotherapy is because they have a tendency to be “too in their heads.”

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Ashley FrancisJuly 23, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
Some of the biggest complaints I hear in therapy are not knowing how long the client will be in therapy, it costs too much, and they can’t tell if they are making progress. The following is an article that addresses the importance of measuring progress, effectiveness, and outcomes and how it can make or break your therapeutic experience. Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness uses a 3 Month Treatment Plan that focuses on assessing progress, effectiveness, and outcomes at the beginning, every 3 months, and at the end of treatment to ensure you are getting the best value out of your services and ensuring you get what you need. Measuring Therapy Progress, Effectiveness and Outcomes Written By: Randy Walton, Ph. D Why measure therapy outcomes? There are a variety of answers to this question, but if you are a person seeking therapy or counseling the answer is "so you and your therapist know if the therapy is helping". Tracking progress or outcomes in therapy helps you determine whether to continue spending your time, effort, and money on the process or to try something or someone different. For decades the measurement of therapy outcomes has primarily been the focus of researchers, not therapists. These researchers have typically focused on identifying which therapy approaches are better than others at effectively treating particular problems. However, analysis of this research shows that no particular approach to therapy is consistently better than another, and no particular therapy approach is effective with everyone with a particular type of problem (1, 2). This conclusion is true for many activities, from particular teaching methods, to specific medications, to child-rearing methods, to economic policies; there is not one approach that works in all situations for all people. However, one positive result of the therapy outcome research is the consistent finding that therapy works! The average person who participates in therapy is significantly better off than people with similar problems who do not engage in therapy (3, 4). This contrasts with popular opinions which found that 76% of potential consumers of therapy services identified low confidence in the outcome of therapy as the major reason for not seeking treatment, far more than other factors traditionally thought to deter people from seeing a therapist, e.g. stigma, 53%; length of treatment, 59%; lack of knowledge, 47% (5). Consequently, the research evidence that therapy in general is effective is good to know if you are considering therapy. - If there was no evidence that the activity helps, why bother? However, having outcome research that demonstrates the general effectiveness of therapy is only a start. It does not let you know whether therapy will help you specifically. This is where measuring therapy progress and outcomes while you are engaged in therapy can be helpful. In recent years tracking progress for individuals in therapy has started to become more commonplace, but it is by no means a standard practice. Therapy has often been considered a mysterious, emotional, intuitive, and powerful process that is difficult to quantify. These conceptions of therapy can all be true, but they do not and should not preclude simple, useful efforts to measure or track your progress in therapy. You do not have to fully understand the process of therapy to determine if it is helping, any more than you have to understand the process of how a blood pressure medication works to determine if it is working for you. You simply find an appropriate way to measure the effectiveness of the treatment. In therapy, measuring progress, effectiveness, or outcomes, and using the information to help guide or adjust treatment, has been shown to significantly improve therapy outcomes (6, 7). Measuring progress or effectiveness during the course of therapy allows a client and therapist to discuss what seems to be working, what doesn't seem to be working, and any need for adjustments to the treatment (e.g., different approach, different focus, different therapist, or even an intervention other than therapy) if it is not helping. Measuring progress, effectiveness, and outcomes also helps determine when therapy is done, i.e., when a person has achieved what they wanted from therapy and the treatment can end. Measuring the progress or effectiveness of therapy as it occurs also makes it less likely that people will waste time, money, and energy on something that is not helping. For example, research indicates that early improvement in therapy is predictive of a positive outcome (8, 9). If a person is not experiencing significant improvement within the first 4-6 sessions, research suggests that it is unlikely that significant improvement will be experienced later in treatment (unless there are significant changes in therapy approach/strategies). Consequently, tracking therapy progress and outcomes right from the start allows the client and the therapist to either continue an approach that is helping, or make changes to an approach that is not helping. There are many ways in which progress or effectiveness of therapy can be measured. For many years the most common approach, which continues to be useful, was to have a written treatment plan which includes clear goals and objectives identified by the client. These goals and objectives are discussed throughout the course of therapy to determine progress and completion of treatment. More recently various outcome scales and checklists have been developed to track therapy progress, effectiveness, and outcomes in an even more quantitative and concrete manner. These measures range from brief (e.g., one to two minutes) rating scales completed by a client every session (such as those used in Colonial Behavioral Health Outpatient therapy services), to much more comprehensive and lengthy measures incorporating both client and therapist perspectives which can take 20 minutes or more to complete at various intervals throughout treatment. Any approach to measuring therapy progress, effectiveness, and outcomes is not likely to be appropriate for all people in all situations. However, as a client or consumer of therapy services, it is reasonable and sensible to expect that the progress, effectiveness, and outcome of your therapy should be measured in one way or another, and discussed throughout the course of treatment. Just as with teaching methods, medications, child-rearing methods, and economic policies, general claims and testimonials about therapy or therapist effectiveness are a helpful start, but not sufficient. The proof of effectiveness is in the measured outcomes, e.g., student test scores, lowered blood pressure, or in the case of therapy, concrete measures of progress, effectiveness, and outcome. References 1. Miller, S., Wampold, B. and Varhely, K. (2008). Direct comparisons of treatment modalities for youth disorders: A meta-analysis. Psychotherapy Research. 18 (1). 2. Imel, Z. Wampold, B., Miller, S., and Fleming, R. (2008) Distinctions without a difference: Direct comparisons of psychotherapies for alcohol use disorders. Psychology of Addictive Behaviors. 22 (4). 3. Asay, T.P., & Lambert, M.J. (1999). The empirical case for the common factors in therapy: Quantitative findings. In M.A. Hubble, B.L. Duncan, and S.D. Miller (eds.). The Heart and Soul of Change: What Works in Therapy. Washington, D.C.: APA Press, 33-56. 4. Wampold, B.E. (2001). The Great Psychotherapy Debate: Models, Methods, and Findings. Hillsdale, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum. 5. American Psychological Association. (1998). Communicating the value of psychology to the public. Washington, D.C.: American Psychological Association. 6. Brown, J., Dreis, S., & Nace, D.K. (1999). What really makes a difference in psychotherapy outcome? Why does managed care want to know? In M.A. Hubble, B.L. Duncan, and S.D. Miller (eds.). The Heart and Soul of Change: What Works in Therapy (pp. 389-406). Washington, D.C.: APA Press. 7. Duncan, M., and Miller, S. (2000). The Heroic Client: Principles of Client-directed, Outcome-Informed Therapy. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass. 8. Brown. J, Dreis, S., and Nace, D. (1999). What really makes a difference in psychotherapy outcome? Why does managed care want to know? In M. Hubble, B. Duncan, and S. Miller (eds.) The Heart and Soul of Change: What Works in Therapy. (pp. 389-406). Washington, D.C.: APA Press. 9. Howard, K., Moras, K., Brill, P., Martinovich, Z., and Lutz,W. (1996). Evaluation of psychotherapy: Efficacy, effectiveness, and patient progress. American Psychologist, 51. Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Tracking progress or outcomes in therapy helps you determine whether to continue spending your time, effort, and money on the process or to try something or someone different.

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Ashley FrancisJuly 10, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
</iframe>" data-provider-name="YouTube" Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

[Video] Mental illness can seem like a curse. It is important to know that things can get better and they don’t always have to be this hard. Connect with one of the best mental health therapists in Southpark today!

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Ashley FrancisJune 13, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
What is Depression? Depression (major depressive disorder or clinical depression) is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities, such as sleeping, eating, or working. To be diagnosed with depression, the symptoms must be present for at least two weeks.  Types of Depression Some forms of depression are slightly different, or they may develop under unique circumstances, such as:  Persistent depressive disorder  (also called dysthymia)   is a depressed mood that lasts for at least two years. A person diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder may have episodes of major depression along with periods of less severe symptoms, but symptoms must last for two years to be considered persistent depressive disorder.  Postpartum depression  is much more serious than the “baby blues” (relatively mild depressive and anxiety symptoms that typically clear within two weeks after delivery) that many women experience after giving birth. Women with postpartum depression experience full-blown major depression during pregnancy or after delivery (postpartum depression). The feelings of extreme sadness, anxiety, and exhaustion that accompany postpartum depression may make it difficult for these new mothers to complete daily care activities for themselves and/or for their babies.  Psychotic depression  occurs when a person has severe depression plus some form of psychosis, such as having disturbing false fixed beliefs (delusions) or hearing or seeing upsetting things that others cannot hear or see (hallucinations). The psychotic symptoms typically have a depressive “theme,” such as delusions of guilt, poverty, or illness.  Seasonal affective disorder  is characterized by the onset of depression during the winter months, when there is less natural sunlight. This depression generally lifts during spring and summer. Winter depression, typically accompanied by social withdrawal, increased sleep, and weight gain, predictably returns every year in seasonal affective disorder.  Bipolar Disorder  is different from depression, but it is included in this list is because someone with bipolar disorder experiences episodes of extremely low moods that meet the criteria for major depression (called “bipolar depression”). But a person with bipolar disorder also experiences extreme high – euphoric or irritable – moods called “mania” or a less severe form called “hypomania.”  Examples of other types of depressive disorders newly added to the diagnostic classification of  DSM-5  include disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (diagnosed in children and adolescents) and premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD).  Signs and Symptoms of Depression If you have been experiencing some of the following signs and symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks, you may be suffering from depression:  Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood  Feelings of hopelessness, or pessimism  Irritability  Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness  Loss of interest or pleasure in hobbies and activities  Decreased energy or fatigue  Moving or talking more slowly  Feeling restless or having trouble sitting still  Difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions  Difficulty sleeping, early-morning awakening, or oversleeping  Appetite and/or weight changes  Thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts  Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems without a clear physical cause and/or that do not ease even with treatment  Not everyone who is depressed experiences every symptom. Some people experience only a few symptoms while others may experience many. Several persistent symptoms in addition to low mood are required for a diagnosis of major depression, but people with only a few – but distressing – symptoms may benefit from treatment of their “subsyndromal” depression. The severity and frequency of symptoms and how long they last will vary depending on the individual and his or her particular illness. Symptoms may also vary depending on the stage of the illness.  Risk Factors for Depression Depression is one of the most common mental disorders in theU.S. Current research suggests that depression is caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors.  Depression can happen at any age, but often begins in adulthood. Depression is now recognized as occurring in children and adolescents, although it sometimes presents with more prominent irritability than low mood. Many chronic mood and anxiety disorders in adults begin as high levels of anxiety in children.  Depression , especially in midlife or older adults, can co-occur with other serious medical illnesses, such as diabetes, cancer, heart disease, and Parkinson’s disease. These conditions are often worse when depression is present. Sometimes medications taken for these physical illnesses may cause side effects that contribute to depression. A doctor experienced in treating these complicated illnesses can help work out the best treatment strategy.  Risk factors include:  Personal or family history of depression  Major life changes, trauma , or stress  Certain physical illnesses and medications  Treatment and Therapies for Depression  Depression , even the most severe cases, can be treated. The earlier that treatment can begin, the more effective it is. Depression is usually treated with medications, psychotherapy, or a combination of the two. If these treatments do not reduce symptoms, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) and other brain stimulation therapies may be options to explore.  Quick Tip:  No two people are affected the same way by depression and there is no "one-size-fits-all" for treatment. It may take some trial and error to find the treatment that works best for you.  Medications for Depression Antidepressants are medicines that treat depression. They may help improve the way your brain uses certain chemicals that control mood or stress. You may need to try several different antidepressant medicines before finding the one that improves your symptoms and has manageable side effects. A medication that has helped you or a close family member in the past will often be considered.  Antidepressants take time – usually 2 to 4 weeks – to work, and often, symptoms such as sleep, appetite, and concentration problems improve before mood lifts, so it is important to give medication a chance before reaching a conclusion about its effectiveness. If you begin taking antidepressants, do not stop taking them without the help of a doctor. Sometimes people taking antidepressants feel better and then stop taking the medication on their own, and the depression returns. When you and your doctor have decided it is time to stop the medication, usually after a course of 6 to 12 months, the doctor will help you slowly and safely decrease your dose. Stopping them abruptly can cause withdrawal symptoms.  Please Note:  In some cases, children, teenagers, and young adults under 25 may experience an increase in suicidal thoughts or behavior when taking antidepressants, especially in the first few weeks after starting or when the dose is changed. This warning from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) also says that patients of all ages taking antidepressants should be watched closely, especially during the first few weeks of treatment.  If you are considering taking an antidepressant and you are pregnant, planning to become pregnant, or breastfeeding, talk to your doctor about any increased health risks to you or your unborn or nursing child.  To find the latest information about antidepressants, talk to your doctor.  You may have heard about an herbal medicine called St. John's wort. Although it is a top-selling botanical product, the FDA has not approved its use as an over-the-counter or prescription medicine for depression, and there are serious concerns about its safety (it should never be combined with a prescription antidepressant) and effectiveness. Do not use St. John’s wort before talking to your health care provider. Other natural products sold as dietary supplements, including omega-3 fatty acids and S-adenosylmethionine (SAMe), remain under study but have not yet been proven safe and effective for routine use.    Therapy for Depression Several types of psychotherapy (also called “talk therapy” or, in a less specific form, counseling) can help people with depression . Examples of evidence-based approaches specific to the treatment of depression include cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) , interpersonal therapy (IPT), and problem-solving therapy.   Brain Stimulation Therapies  If medications do not reduce the symptoms of depression, electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) may be an option to explore. Based on the latest research:  ECT can provide relief for people with severe depression who have not been able to feel better with other treatments.  Electroconvulsive therapy can be an effective treatment for depression . In some severe cases where a rapid response is necessary or medications cannot be used safely, ECT can even be a first-line intervention.  Once strictly an inpatient procedure, today ECT is often performed on an outpatient basis. The treatment consists of a series of sessions, typically three times a week, for two to four weeks.  ECT may cause some side effects, including confusion, disorientation, and memory loss. Usually these side effects are short-term, but sometimes memory problems can linger, especially for the months around the time of the treatment course. Advances in ECT devices and methods have made modern ECT safe and effective for the vast majority of patients. Talk to your doctor and make sure you understand the potential benefits and risks of the treatment before giving your informed consent to undergoing ECT.  ECT is not painful, and you cannot feel the electrical impulses. Before ECT begins, a patient is put under brief anesthesia and given a muscle relaxant. Within one hour after the treatment session, which takes only a few minutes, the patient is awake and alert.  Other more recently introduced types of brain stimulation therapies used to treat medicine-resistant depression include repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS) and vagus nerve stimulation (VNS). Other types of brain stimulation treatments are under study.  If you think you may have depression , start by making an appointment to see your doctor or mental health care provider. This could be your primary care practitioner or a mental health provider who specializes in diagnosing and treating mental health conditions.   Beyond Treatment for Depression: Things You Can Do  Here are other tips that may help you or a loved one during treatment for depression :  Try to be active and exercise.  Set realistic goals for yourself.  Try to spend time with other people and confide in a trusted friend or relative.  Try not to isolate yourself, and let others help you.  Expect your mood to improve gradually, not immediately.  Postpone important decisions, such as getting married or divorced, or changing jobs until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well and have a more objective view of your situation.  Continue to educate yourself about depression .  Counseling for Depression If you are interested in any of these techniques, don’t hesitate to reach out and learn more. As a Charlotte depression therapist , I help people gain control over depression all the time. I’d love to help you eliminate depression too. You can and deserve to begin experiencing relief today.     Counseling can be very effective treating depression . If you have further questions about depression and/or depressive disorders, make an appointment by clicking the button below.  Get Started Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Depression is a common but serious mood disorder. It causes severe symptoms that affect how you feel, think, and handle daily activities. Connect with the best depression therapist in Charlotte, NC today.

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Ashley FrancisMay 7, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
Why is Therapy so Expensive? Ask anyone in this country about healthcare and there is a high likelihood that you’ll get a negative response. Many people argue that costs are too high, access is too limited, and it appears as though the system is designed to keep you sick instead of help you get well. Further, it seems that anytime you find a skilled practitioner , they’re not in-network with insurance; thus, making it even more difficult to have access and receive quality care. Specifically in the mental health industry, psychiatrists are typically booked up weeks to months in advance making it more challenging to receive help when you need it now. Sometimes, your life could literally depend on it! I hear you…it’s frustrating! Let’s take a look at some common questions about the cost of therapy and the role that insurance plays in determining the quality and access of mental health services. Is therapy covered by insurance? Your health insurance provider will tell you whether they cover therapy and under what conditions they will cover it. The law doesn't require them to pay for the total cost of therapy , if it's covered at all. They may cover a portion of the payments. This is where in-network and out-of-network benefits are important. Using your mental health in-network benefits When a mental health provider is considered an in-network mental health clinician, this means that the mental health provider has entered into a contract with the insurance panel and is able to provide treatment to members who have mental health benefits that are covered under their plan. This contract sets the rate that the mental health therapist is paid, dictates which treatment models (i.e. such as CBT ) can be used, and mandates the following: 1) A mental health diagnosis Note: Whether a mental health diagnosis exists or not, a diagnosis is still REQUIRED in order to be approved to cover services. Read that statement again. Not only is this unethical but it is profoundly immoral to label a person with a mental health disorder when their behavior, in fact, does not fit criteria. I always ask clients to evaluate the potential impact this could have on their future. A few limitations of having a mental health disorder diagnosis are: a) Preventing you from participating in the armed forces - if you have a mental health diagnosis and/or take at least one psychotropic medication, you will not be permitted to join the armed forces. While exceptions can be made, they are rare. b) Preventing you from getting a job if you have given written consent for any healthcare practitioner to share your health history (not just a mental health provider , primary care physicians can issue mental health diagnoses as well). It is important to note that this is not common practice but it can and has negatively affected clients. c) It can stigmatize you and cause you to believe that the condition is worse than it actually is - if you have been issued a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder but do not fully understand what is meant by the diagnosis you may research on your own and run into copious amounts of misinformation; thus, deepening feelings of shame and guilt. This can, in fact, make the situation much worse. Always be sure to be clear on the diagnosis your mental health practitioner has issued. 2) Access to your complete treatment record This includes, but is not limited to, mental health treatment notes, mental health assessments, intake documents, discharge documents, health history information provided by other healthcare practitioners, disability requests, letters of recommendation, etc. Note: whenever you begin services with an in-network provider, you have already provided written consent for this information to be shared at the time that you signed up to receive benefits. Your insurance company can contact your mental health provider and request any of the aforementioned information without informing you at the time of the request as you already provided consent when you signed the contract to receive benefits. 3) The type of mental health care you receive The only types of treatment that are permitted for the practitioner to use must be approved by the insurance company. Insurance companies limit the treatment models to those that are strictly evidence-based. For the most part, this is not such a bad thing; however, for those who are interested in receiving complementary and alternative treatment modalities , such as Reiki , massage, naturopathy, reflexology, spiritual guidance, etc) the insurance company will not cover these services. In other words, they get to decide the definition of health and how it is achieved and/or maintained by limiting the access of healthcare services to treatment models with which they deem to be effective. This disregards a wide array of services that more and more individuals are interested in receiving because the agreed upon options do not work for them. Using your out-of-network mental health benefits A mental health provider is considered out-of-network when a mental health clinician provides a service that the insurance company covers but the mental health practitioner does not currently have a contract with them. Under these circumstances, the member is required to pay the mental health practitioner’s full service fee but is permitted to submit claims to the insurance company for reimbursement. These payments are applied to the member’s out-of-network deductible . While coverage varies from plan-to-plan, insurance will typically cover around 40% while you are left to pay the remaining 60%. Further, out-of-network deductibles are typically sky high and many people wind up never hitting this deductible for the term of the current plan; thus, insurance benefits for full coverage are of little to no benefit to the member throughout the entire time of participating in therapy. You will still wind up paying more money up front for services and then you must wait for insurance to reimburse their 40% which can sometimes take weeks to months to receive. How much does therapy cost and why does therapy cost so much? The price of therapy. as well as the reasons for the disparity from one mental health practitioner to the next, are vast and extend beyond the scope of this blog. However, some important factors to consider that might influence the therapist’s rate are: 1) How competitive the area is for therapists The more therapists in the area, the more likely the rate will be less while fewer therapists could mean the price is higher. 2) Living in a rural area versus an urban area See explanation for number 1. 3) The experience of the therapist Some therapists will base their rate on how long they have been in practice while others do not use this as a determining factor at all 4) The cost of running a mental health private practice Whether or not the therapist has a staff, is a solo or group practitioner, cost of overhead, cost of business expenses, etc are all factors that can determine the cost of therapy . If you are seeing a therapist who is a solo practitioner, there is a good bet that the rate he/she is charging is not only to cover the 50 minute session he/she is providing but also to the following expenses: Phone and fax Office supplies Accounting and practice software Accountant and Lawyer Consultations Marketing Networking Licensure fees Mandatory continuing education courses to maintain licensure Professional organization memberships Rent Internet Utilities Personal expenses Additionally, the solo practitioner is oftentimes completing many or all of these tasks all on his/her own. The rate you are paying is not just for your therapy , it is also to compensate for hours spent to run the business, business expenses, as well as personal compensation. 5) The value that the therapist attributes to themselves and the services they provide Oftentimes when a therapist is providing a low ball price, this can be a reflection of how they value themselves. Those who are committed and motivated to continuously complete improvement on themselves tend to hold themselves in higher regard, value themselves more, and this will show up in their work. Their price will reflect this. 6) Countless hours are spent on the phone verifying insurance benefits and chasing down payments from insurance companies that can last for weeks or months. Denial of insurance reimbursement can, and oftentimes does, result from errors that range from minor to being the fault of the insurance company getting it wrong. There was a time period in which I waited three months to get reimbursed by an insurance company because they claimed that I had made an error when in actuality it was an error on their end. Is therapy worth the cost? Naturally, the answer to this question is it depends on the individual. With therapy , you are going to get out of it what you put it into it. Every time. If you are questioning whether or not therapy is right for you, ask yourself the following questions: 1) Am I ready to get serious about my life, face the problems I’ve had for a long time (and have likely been avoiding), and finally get some answers? 2) If therapy is too expensive for me, in what other areas of my life am I willing to make arrangements in order to make myself a priority? 3) How do I find a good therapist ? Ask friends, family, doctors, perform Google searches, ask other practitioners in a similar field, check out the therapist’s website . A therapist’s website is like their store front. In today’s modern technology age, you should be able to decide whether or not a therapist is worth reaching out to based on the quality and content of their website. 4) How do I define value? Is it money? Experiences? Time? People? On what do I spend my money already that I find valuable? On what do I spend money that I do out of habit but no longer find valuable? Could therapy be valuable to me? 5) Am I ready? Sometimes embarking on a journey of self-discovery can be too much for some people. They have simply been living an existence that is comfortable for too long and feel that therapy would or is opening areas of themselves at a faster rate than which they are comfortable. The purpose of therapy, to me, is about getting out of that comfort zone because getting out of it is where substantial change happens. If you are not ready, there is no shame in that but don’t give up. Listen to podcasts, read books, talk to people, take workshops, sign up to be on email lists to receive free tips and advice from trusted sources . Therapy is expensive and yet it is valuable. While it can be more affordable by using your insurance benefits to cover this expense, there are risks involved in this option as well. Regardless of whichever path you choose, the point is about getting the help that you need and pursuing the path that works best for you. Ready to begin anxiety therapy , depression therapy , LGBT therapy , trauma therapy , or Reiki in Charlotte, NC today? Click the button below to get started. Get Started Now Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Want to learn more about counseling in Charlotte, NC at Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness in Southpark Charlotte, NC? Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Every wonder why therapy is so expensive? Learn why mental health therapists may not accept health insurance and why your emotional health is worth investing in.

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Ashley FrancisApril 11, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
The day is unlike any other day.    You’re sitting at your desk with a mouse in one hand and a sandwich in the other with eyes glued to the computer screen.  You sift through emails, check your social media accounts, check your bank account balance, and have fleeting thoughts of the sweet release of 5 o’clock.    Seemingly, out of nowhere, you start to feel some pressure and slight pain in your chest.  You chalk it up to indigestion from the sandwich and get back to work.    The  pain and pressure  comes and goes but remains persistent and now has started to get a little annoying.  You become a little more concerned but you reassure yourself you’re alright.    You notice that it’s becoming increasingly more  difficult to concentrate  and now it’s substantially more  difficult to remain engaged  on each task.    You start to tap your pen, shake your leg, chew on your lip, and shift in your seat.    Now you’re REALLY feeling uncomfortable and are quite sure that something is wrong.    Thoughts of  panic  begin to race in your head:  “Am I having a heart attack?”     “Am I going crazy?”     “It’s hard to tell what is real and what is not in this moment.”    “Should I go to the Emergency Room?  They’ll certainly think I’m crazy then!     “Why won’t it stop?!”   Your heart begins to race, your palms begin to sweat, and it’s hard to keep a single thought straight in your head.  Your breath rate increases and your adrenaline is running on overload.   Thoughts of impending doom  begin to take over as you begin to ask yourself questions that you never thought you’d be asking:   “What if I’m dying?”    “How will may family fare without me?”    “What would my funeral be like?”    “I haven’t even come close to accomplishing what I want to in life; there’s still so much to be done!”    “I’m too young to die!”    “Why is this happening?!”  At this point, you’re convinced that your life is in danger and you go to the ER.  You wait an hour before you’re called back, receive some mild sympathy from hospital staff, and you grow increasingly impatient as you wait to find out if you’re going to die.    “Why can’t they move faster?”    “Don’t they know that I’m dying?”    “What if I die while I’m left in this room waiting on them to come back?”    Again, you ask yourself “what is happening and why is it happening?”  Hospital staff runs an EKG and it comes back normal.  They check your vitals and while they can tell that you have an  elevated heart rate and blood pressure , they don’t seem to be convinced that you’re in immediate danger.    “What do they know that I don’t?”  “How can they appear to be some calm and confident?”  The doctor comes in and reports that all tests have come back as normal and that you are going to be just fine.    The doctor FINALLY clarifies that what you are experiencing is known as a  panic attack .  What is a panic attack?  A panic attack is a sudden episode of intense fear that triggers severe physical reactions when there is no real danger or apparent cause.  The signs and symptoms of a panic attack develop  abruptly  and usually reach their  peak within 10 minutes . They rarely last more than an hour, with most ending within 20 to 30 minutes. Panic attacks can happen  anywhere and at any time .  Panic attack symptoms include:  Shortness of breath or hyperventilation  Heart palpitations or racing heart  Chest pain or discomfort  Trembling or shaking  Choking feeling  Feeling unreal or detached from your surroundings  Sweating  Nausea or upset stomach  Feeling dizzy, light-headed, or faint  Numbness or tingling sensations  Hot or cold flashes  Fear of dying, losing control, or going crazy  What is panic disorder?  Many people have just one or two panic attacks in their lifetimes, and the problem goes away, perhaps when a stressful situation ends. But if you've had recurrent, unexpected panic attacks and spent long periods in constant fear of another attack, you may have a condition called  panic disorder .  Although panic attacks themselves aren't life-threatening, they can be frightening and significantly affect your quality of life. But treatment can be very effective.  Some sources cite that  anxiety disorders  are the  most common mental illnesses in the US  with  1 in 5  people experiencing a panic attack at least once in their lifetime.  It is also reported that  twice as many women  compared to men experience anxiety disorders.  Anxiety is, by far, one of the most common conditions I treat in my practice.  It is heartbreaking to see so many people experience such devastating conditions without understanding why or where the symptoms come from.  Let’s explore why you’re having a panic attack    Not only do I understand these experiences from a professional standpoint but from a personal one as well.  The aforementioned story is one that I can personally relate to when I was experiencing panic disorder a few years ago.    I remember that the most debilitating part of experiencing panic attacks was the fear of having another one which, in turn, lead to having another attack!  So not only are you experiencing one of the most horrifying experiences of your life but you then get sucked into what seems like a never-ending vortex of hopelessness, paralyzing fear, and powerlessness, growing deeper with each attack.    It. Is. A. Living. Hell!    What many clients have taught me, and I have learned myself, is that learning what was going on and why is some of the most powerful information that led to feeling better.    But seriously though...what is happening inside of my body during a panic attack?  Where did it come from?   Essentially, your body’s “fight or flight” response has become activated, oftentimes for no apparent reason.  It makes sense that this mechanism becomes activated while in the presence of an obvious threat, such as potentially being attacked by a bear or swerving to avoid a car accident.    However, it becomes more confusing when there is no apparent threat and this mechanism becomes activated anyway.  Once activated, the hormone adrenaline is sent coursing through your body, putting you on high alert.  In fact, the amount of adrenaline released during an attack is about 2.5 times more compared to while at rest.    Your breath rate increases, which sends blood to your muscles.  Your breathing becomes fast and shallow, allowing you to take in more oxygen.  Your blood sugar spikes and your senses get sharper.  Your blood pools in the centermost area of your body to protect your vital organs. This is what leads to tingling, numbness, dizziness, and light-headedness.  All of these actions occur in order to prepare the body by giving it the energy it needs in order to confront a dangerous situation or get out of harm’s way.  Researchers claim that it is still unclear during panic attacks as to why the body perceives there to be a threat to our survival when there does not appear to be a clear cause.  However, based on my research and clinical experience, I have come to learn that the cause is, in fact, present, it is just out of our conscious awareness.    In other words, the mind and body has interpreted something in our environment to be a threat but this message never makes its way to the conscious parts of our brain.  Therefore, it is possible that there are parts of the body that are aware of the threat while the brain doesn’t have a clue.   Panic Attack Triggers Potential triggers include:   Specific sensory stimuli that activate subconscious memories from our past  (i.e. smelling cologne that smells like the same cologne worn by someone who has brought harm to us in the past, seeing the face of someone who looks similar to someone who has wronged us before, hearing a noise that reminds us of a similar noise that occurred at a previously stressful time).    Please note that these reminders are not always instances of past abuse; oftentimes, these reminders are representative of mild to moderate instances of embarrassment, shame, and/or guilt   Receiving news that the individual has been diagnosed with a serious medical condition  – most of us are not aware of the timing of our own deaths.  Learning the exact timeline of our anticipated expiration can feel unnatural.  Thus, this creates an insurmountable amount of stress on a level that has never been experienced.  It is easy to see how this can be overloading to system.  Certain body postures and movements can release pent up, stagnant energy .  It is well known in the trauma community that experiences from our past not only get stuck in our brains but in our bodies as well.  Thus, why only focusing on our minds is only addressing 50% of the problem while the body constitutes the other 50% of the equation.  Compare this to muscle memory – the muscle contains a copy of instructions pertaining to its expected functionality that originated from a past event, or time period, when it was used for a specific purpose.  When that purpose is no longer being fulfilled, the muscle may become disengaged.  However, when the body is called upon to perform similar duties once again, the muscle calls upon these instructions and is able to resume its structured performance after a little practice.  This also helps to explain why a sudden injury can cause deep states of depression and anxiety.  Perhaps there was stored traumatic energy that was released when the body part experienced dislocation or trauma.  Now all of that pent-up energy is free flowing throughout the body and it doesn’t know how to get rid of it.  This type of overstimulation can lead to an overactive nervous system which can then lead to panic attacks.  How do you treat panic attacks?    Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)  CBT is a talk therapy technique that focuses on the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.  When we are able to dissect these items, it then becomes easier to understand where they came from and how they persist.  From there, a skilled psychotherapist can help guide you to reframe negative thoughts and feelings into positive ones.   Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EDMR)  EMDR is an experiential (hands-on, interactive) technique that requires the reexperiencing of past events in order to make peace with them.  While EMDR tends to be more emotionally taxing, it has an 85-90% success rate with results occurring much more quickly compared to talk therapy.    Somatic Experiencing (SE)  Somatic Experiencing this is also an experiential technique that requires various body positions and breathing techniques that are designed to release trapped energy that is keeping us stuck.  Though considered unconventional, this technique has been shown to release immense amounts of toxic energy within one session leaving the client feeling substantially better in a shorter amount of time.    It must be noted that experiential techniques are  highly emotionally challenging  and are not for everybody.  However, if you are in a state of  readiness and high motivation  to get the junk from your past out of your body, it is my opinion that talk therapy doesn’t even come close.  Counseling for Panic Attacks If you are interested in any of these techniques, don’t hesitate to reach out and learn more. As a Charlotte anxiety therapist , I help people gain control over anxiety and panic attacks all the time. I’d love to help you eliminate panic attacks too. You can and deserve to begin experiencing relief today.     Counseling can be very effective treating panic attacks . If you have further questions about anxiety, panic attacks, and/or panic disorder, make an appointment by clicking the button below.  Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Are panic attacks keeping you from living a happy, fulfilling life? Learn more about anxiety treatment in charlotte, nc and connect with the best counselor in charlotte

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Ashley FrancisApril 2, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
We all do it. We get our feelings hurt, feel disappointed, and get fed up. We wind up asking ourselves:  “What’s the use?"   “Why even try if every time I do I wind up getting hurt/fail/feel embarrassed/let myself and/or others down? It’s just too hard?”  Oftentimes when we’re ‘all up in our feelings’ as a result of a certain situation the notion of throwing in the towel becomes very attractive and can be difficult to resist.    However, typically with a little time and space to heal, thoughts of giving up become fleeting and we’re ready to put ourselves back out there and try again.  The ability that my clients have to bounce back never ceases to amaze me.  I get asked pretty regularly “how do you do this type of work?  Doesn’t it drain you?”    The truth is that while it can be draining at times, I actually find myself feeling reenergized more often than not simply as a result of bearing witness to peoples’ ability to find balance again.  I have the privilege to watch people change right before my very eyes and I can honestly say there is no greater honor.    Some are just born with the ability to cope more effectively   Resilience is what makes us, as humans, such magical, dynamic creatures and it is all too often underestimated.  Interestingly, scientific studies verify that resiliency has a heritable base – our ability to bounce back, at least to some extent, has to do with the coding of our DNA.  This is why it is easier for some people to bounce back following a tragic or depressing event than others – it is also why some suffer from  depression , anxiety , PTSD , and other mental health conditions more often and in greater intensity compared to others.    I know what you’re thinking – “so you’re telling me that I lost the resiliency lottery just for being born?!!!  What a jip!”    Not necessarily.    Our environments play a role too  Our genes are not the only predictors of how well and when we will bounce back.  The level of support we have from family, friends, and community, our financial health, effective coping strategies, and even the sheer belief that we can and will return to a state of balance all play a big role in determining resilience.    Unlike the early 20th Century, it is fairly common knowledge these days that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are not just a result of our genetic makeup nor just our environment (i.e. nature v. nurture) but rather a mix of the two.    The good news here is that just because we were born with a certain genetic code that is likely to dictate how behavior is expressed, it is not an end-all-be-all - we have free will and the ability to learn and practice new information.  To some extent, we have the ability to overcome these conditions and choose how we want to live our lives.    Full disclosure: it’s A LOT harder than it seems!  So what exactly leads to ‘stuckness?’   I define a state of “stuckness” as having reached a point where you’ve tried everything you know how to do and you just can’t seem to bring yourself out of it.  Oftentimes, this period of stuckness exists for quite some time before you get the courage to reach out for help for a variety of reasons (I have found this to be the norm for most clients and myself included).    Feeling stuck can be very scary.  Generally, you like to think of yourself as a pretty intelligent being who has the capacity to navigate difficult situations and survive.  So when you’re faced with an obstacle that you just can’t seem to get over, you often wind up feeling very defeated, take it personally, and can even shut down.    This is when depression usually sets in.    In my personal and professional experience , the only way to get out of a state of stuckness is to seek outside help. Whether it be via a mentor, spiritual guide, therapist, community, advisor, group, etc.   I’ll be the first to admit that this had been one of the most difficult things for me to accept and to seek out.    What many mental health professional s experience, but don’t want to admit, is that we get this  ego-driven idea  that we’ve got to have it all together and be the perfect role model for all of our clients at all times.  This is not possible nor is it reality.  We are people too.  We don’t have all of the answers and we need the help just as much as you do (sometimes even more)!    How do I [the therapist] receive guidance?        I work hard to surround myself with  like-minded individuals  who aren’t afraid to give it to me straight – when I’m being an asshole, they tell me I’m being an asshole.  Sometimes it hurts to hear it but if it’s coming from a trusted source then I know to look at what they are saying more closely.  I often tell my clients “if it stings, that’s a good sign, it means some part of you knows it’s true and needs attention.”    [Admittedly sometimes I’m not as tactful while communicating this in session – in response to admitting that what was said hurts, sometimes I’ll shout “GOOD!” and when the client looks at me as if I have two heads and looking as though they want to punch me in the face, I then provide further explanation]   I’m also part of a local  spiritual community  on whom I rely to teach me new ways to access the deeper parts of myself and how to improve my shortcomings.  This type of humility has been difficult for me to admit but has become easier over time and is not for the faint of heart!    These practices require pushing myself WAY out of my comfort zone that force me to find my own way back (think how the military uses techniques to tear you down then build you back up).   I’ve found that these techniques tend to work much faster and are more effective compared to other ways of healing.    However,  readiness is everything  when it comes to engaging in these techniques: if you move too fast before you are ready, you could make things worse.    If you’ve participated in EMDR with me you KNOW what I’m talking about!   Side note: if you’re interested in some of these techniques to be used during your sessions, please don’t hesitate to ask!  The danger of absolute statements and how they lead to stuckness  In order to understand how to treat a state of stuckness, it is oftentimes helpful to look at mindset and where it came from.    How did the thought process start and from where did it originate?   Which past events played a role in formulating this opinion that now influences how you view similar current events? Who else close to you also feels/felt this way?   What protective factors were not in place at the time of these events that might’ve prevented you from developing a healthy relationship with the initial as well as subsequent similar events?   Oftentimes, when an event affects us so deeply in a negative way, we vow right then and there to change our behavior to prevent similar events from happening again [flash on Scarlett O’Hara’s “As God as my witness” scene from Gone With the Wind].    As previously mentioned, as soon as the immediacy of the event fades, so does the commitment to change the behavior.    We can get caught up in beating ourselves over this but consider this:   This mechanism is actually an  involuntary survival instinct  to discriminate our attention toward stimuli that is more likely to kill us/pose a threat to our survival.  If the event is not perceived as threat, the non-conscious parts of the brain interpret the event as ‘not a threat to survival, you may discard.’    This is why we often overlook the good things and focus, or even hyperfocus, on the bad.  But what about the decisions to swear off certain behavior that actually get stuck?   Even with all of these  inherent protective factors , there are still those certain decisions that we make that can change the course of our lives. Examples of such statements are:   “I’ll never love again!”   “I’ll never trust again!”   “I’ll never go out of my way to help someone ever again!”   “I will never date this/that type of person again!”   “I’ll never waste money on such frivolous things again!”   A relationship that ended with a long-term partner who wouldn’t commit then soon falls in love with and marries the next partner he/she dates (yup, happened to me)!    Talk about a gut-punch to the self-esteem!    The state of heartache is likely so profound and takes such a long time to get over that you make the decision to never open your heart again to another lover.    And to further complicate things (just for fun) - more often than not, the decision to close one’s heart is not necessarily conscious but rather happens organically over time due to not having properly dealt with the hurt at the time that it happened.     You tell yourself that you are fine, and for some time you might be, but as soon as you’re faced with the possibility of another long-term, serious relationship, this dynamic comes screaming back and can show up in the most uncanny of ways!    What’s worse is that you might not even be aware that you’re behaving so closed-heartedly.  However, chances are your partner does and it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be hearing about it from them (likely over and over again).  If this behavior is so often outside of our awareness how do I protect myself from allowing absolute statements from derailing my life?   Practice self-awareness –  pay attention to the things you say, the thoughts you think, and the actions you take.  Be mindful from where these things originated and ask yourself if it is an approach that is in line with who you want to be.  If it’s not, practice self-compassion and seek additional guidance to help you work through it.  If it is, give yourself credit for seeking to live a purposeful life and living in your truth.  Seek guidance from trusted sources –  ask friends, family, mentors, and/or guides to evaluate your thoughts and actions as they pertain to the situation and ask for suggestions that are more in line with the life you want to live.  Put your money where your mouth is  – if you’ve made an absolute statement, chances are you feel pretty passionately about the subject matter.  It just might so happen that it is a change that would serve you to make and not to avoid.  If you need to remove yourself from toxic relationships, do it.  If you need to increase more of this and do less of that, do it.  Change your scenery  – sometimes it’s the environment that is keeping you trapped in the cycle of making the same mistakes.  This can lead to making absolute statements but then you do little to actually change it for good.  It is difficult to change behavior if it is too easy to fall back into old habits where it is easy to do so.  Sometimes moving to a new home or finding a new job might be necessary while other times less extreme measures can do the trick.  Identify red flags early on and address them  – I am a big proponent of knowing and trusting your gut.  If something doesn’t feel right, it likely isn’t.  If you can’t tell the difference between your gut and a fleeting thought, you might seek the assistance of an outside trusted source to help.  If you find yourself making absolute statements often, it’s a good indication that something needs to change and you just haven’t done what is necessary to follow through yet.  Interested in learning more about ways to connect with the deeper parts of yourself and get relief once and for all?  Looking to break the cycle of absolute statements but not sure where to start?  We can help!    Click the link below and connect with one of the best therapists in Charlotte, NC and start feeling better today!  Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Want to learn more about counseling in Charlotte, NC at Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness in Southpark Charlotte, NC? Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Find out why absolute statements can keep you from breaking cycles from the past. Connect with the best counselor charlotte, nc has to offer and start living your best life.

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Ashley FrancisMarch 28, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
What is Reiki? (pronounced Ray-key) Reiki is a healing technique based on the principle that the Reiki therapist can channel energy into the patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing processes of the patient's body and restore physical and emotional well-being. Nearly two years ago, I was working for a mental health group practice here in Charlotte, NC when I was introduced to Reiki . With both a Bachelor’s in Science as well as a Master’s in Science , saying I was a skeptic of such a outlandish concept as Reiki was an understatement. What is this stuff? Certainly it must be some kinda woo woo witch craft . It has to be another gimmick that claims to “cure cancer” or be a “miracle remedy” that demonstrates just enough effects on the surface to be convincing but really when it comes down to it, it’s total BS. However, I like to think of myself as a pretty open-minded person so I gave it a try. When I learned that it didn’t have any adverse side effects and was completely safe I thought: what do I have to lose? If anything I’ll get to lie on a comfy table for an hour and get a good nap. So there I was, lying on a cushy massage table wrapped in soft blankets, listening to some music that sounded like I was in an ashram. The air smelled of natural, burning wood and the air was cool. My Reiki practitioner walked me through what to expect for the session and I was instructed to just relax. Easy for you to say lady, good luck calming this overactive, overthinking brain! My Reiki practitioner began to engage in what seemed like ritualistic, ceremony-like behavior, repeating certain phrases in a different language, drawing imaginary shapes in the air with her fingers, and turning to each wall of the room as if she was praying to each of them. I kept my sarcastic comments to myself and continued to judge in silence. What the hell did I just get myself into? As I lay there and closed my eyes, I began to feel increasingly more relaxed ; however, this was no surprise. Most people have a general understanding of the power of ambience - creating an environment that appeals to the senses is inevitably going to relax you…big whoop! My Reiki practitioner gained my permission to lay her hands on my body prior to proceeding with the next phase of the session. I really liked being offered the option of having either hands laid on my body or to have them hover above my body. I thought to myself, “hmm, this would be especially appealing to my clients who have suffered sexual assault who are looking for ways to relax and experience intimacy without having to be touched. Wait…was I starting to buy into this stuff? What. Is. Happening??? Nah…back to the comfort of my sarcasm and deflection! My Reiki practitioner guided me through some simple breath exercises that helped bring relaxation to another level. I had done yoga classes before so I was familiar with the concept of deep, purposeful breathing but I’d never practiced it in an environment such as this. Suddenly, I noticed that the rate of my thoughts began to slow and I began to experience a warm feeling deep in my chest. “What the heck is that?” I thought. Then it dawned on me, “oh yeah, this is what it feels like to TRULY relax." My legs felt like jello and my arms felt heavy. It felt as though the entire weight of my body was heavily pressed against the massage table and it began to feel as though I was floating in air . I had felt a similar type of relaxation during massages but it never felt this all-encompassing. So there I was…floating in mid air (in my mind, of course) and completely content . I noticed that I was still having thoughts and feelings as I normally would but they didn’t seem to bother me as much. I felt like I was an observer of my own thoughts instead of having to be in control of them. It was nice. “Could this be what meditation is actually like?” I thought. I had tried meditation before but it always wound up frustrating me more than anything so I gave up on it a while back. Maybe it was time to give this whole mindfulness thing another try. As my Reiki practitioner made her way around my body, I felt her lay her hands in different positions that didn’t seem to make much sense to me but by this time I really didn’t care. Her touch felt so nice, so pleasant, so warm, so intimate. Her touch communicated that she really cared about me, that she had no malicious intentions and it was safe to let my guard down (and Lord knows I do NOT let my guard down easily)! It reminded me of the relationship one has with a dog - unconditional, nonverbal, a “just knowing” type of love, affection, and acceptance. This state of being redefined what it meant to relax. Suddenly, I began to experience this warm, tingling sensation that began at my feet and began to grow up my legs. It continued up into my legs, then to my torso, filling my arms and hands, neck, and head. It was as if someone had just injected a warm, dye into my feet that progressively enveloped my whole body. This was the game-changer . This was like nothing I had ever experienced. It felt surreal . It felt impossible . It felt supernatural . And yet, it felt very real . I soon realized that the warm feeling that had encapsulated my body was what I recognized to be pure love . I had always heard hippies talk about this kinda stuff and I always thought “well of course, you think it’s love, you’re high!” Then it hit me, I was high. A natural, beautiful high. I was flabbergasted. I HAD to know more! While I did not realize it at the time, this first Reiki session significantly changed my life. I had never had so many questions, so much excitement, so much I just had to learn. The most substantial difference that I noticed was that I began to desire to make better choices without having to try as hard. Over the course of the next year, I began to eat better, exercise, cut off toxic relationships, and improve troubled relationships . At present, I have lost 65 pounds, ended a terribly toxic long-term relationship, and I have a better relationship with my father than I ever have. Yes, you read that right - I am a therapist and I was in a toxic relationship. I am human - I have baggage like everyone else. Thankfully, I’ve learned some really great ways to manage it and I’ve found strength that I’ve never known. While it wouldn’t be fair to completely credit Reiki for all of these improvements, Reiki takes the credit for creating the path that has led me to make these improvements. It cannot be overstated that the path has definitely been far from perfect and honestly it has not really been all that pleasant . I can easily say I’ve never been challenged nor pushed to my limits in the ways that I have over these past two years. It’s been awful, beautiful, painstaking, enlightening, catastrophic, and incredibly healing all at the same time. As I tell my clients all of the time “this healing stuff ain’t for the faint of heart! My relationship with Reiki is ever-evolving and I am learning from Reiki everyday. No I do not meditate everyday. No I do not exercise everyday. No I do not eat healthy all of the time. Yes I still struggle with anxiety and depression. Yes there are still problems in my relationships. But how I perceive these struggles, the level of responsibility I have and continue to take for my actions, and consistently trying to be better is what keeps me going and has made me successful. Quite honestly, it’s also my clients who inspire me the most. Rei, meaning spiritual or supernatural, and ki, meaning vital energy , was the warm, encapsulating energy that overtook my body that day of my first session and I have been able to replicate this feeling several times since then. However, it important to remember that this rush of life force energy does not visit us each time we practice Reiki . I have learned over time that Reiki is extremely intelligent, far more intelligent than any of us humans, and it will simply show up more ostensibly when it recognizes that it is needed. Do not misunderstand, Reiki is running through us at all times, it is simply a matter of when it will be felt by the conscious senses. and the when is ultimately out of our hands. As a Level II Reiki practitioner , I offer this service in addition to mental health therapy as an add-on or standalone service. It is my personal opinion that participating in mental health therapy is not the only means to self-improvement; using Reiki alone or in conjunction with mental health counseling are both very viable paths to self-discovery and healing. If you’re on the fence about either of them, I always suggest to start with the modality that you’re most comfortable with first then we can explore adding on another service if necessary. If you are interested in learning more about Reiki in Charlotte, I would love to help you find healing at my Charlotte, NC holistic mental health clinic . Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Want to learn more about counseling in Charlotte, NC at Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness in Southpark Charlotte, NC? Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Looking for holistic counseling? Check out our holistic mental health care & holistic psychotherapy services in Charlotte, NC. Also, check out our energy healing services in Charlotte, NC 

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Ashley FrancisMarch 14, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
Figures such as Caitlyn Jenner and Laverne Cox (Orange is the New Black) have played a large role in catapulting the words transgender into the mainstream over the past few years. Regardless of how much the LGBT community has grown in recognition and support, there is still vast amounts of misinformation out there. It is important to get clear on a few key issues and dispel the myths to educate the general public on not only what it means to be “trans” but what it is like to live a trans life. Those who identify as transgender are people. Case and point. Ask many of those who identify as transgender how it came to be that they identify this way and you will likely get a similar response stating that they are simply in the wrong body. Regardless of how masculine or feminine he/she may look on the outside, it could be in stark difference from the gender they feel on the inside. It’s also important to not put all transgender persons into a box. Each person is unique and he/she has a unique story. While many of those in the trans community report having a different gender identity than what he/she was assigned at birth, it is a vast oversight to assume that this is the case for each and every individual. Further, there are several false beliefs about the trans community that continue to contribute to the negative stigma and non-acceptance of trans people that perpetuates violence and hate. This blog seeks to share accurate information about this community in hopes of bridging the gap to acceptance. Let’s start by making a few key distinctions and get clear on some general terms that will aid in understanding more. What are the gender terms? Gender identity Gender identity is an extremely personal part of who we are and it’s how we perceive ourselves in the world as it relates to being a man, woman, or another gender outside of societal norms Gender expression Gender expression refers to the characteristics and behaviors a person identifies with that can be viewed as masculine, feminine, a mix of both, or neither. Sex The gender unto which you were born based on your genitals; your biological makeup Sexual Orientation Who you are attracted to (i.e. homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual) In today’s society, there are literally hundreds of different types of gender identities that it seems as though people are simply making up new ones by the day! However, it is important to keep in mind that the concept of gender is a social construct and is therefore fluid; you are whichever gender you say you are. If there isn’t currently a label to accurately describe your preference, then you’re within your rights to simply make one up that best suits you. While understanding gender identity can easily become very overwhelming, it typically isn’t so difficult to understand who trans people are and how they identify. However, why they identify this way and how it came to be is a little more obscure to those who are uninformed. Let’s look at some common myths surrounding trans people: 1: Transgender people are confused or tricking others Oftentimes people will think that those who identify as transgender are simply doing it for attention, to be able to act out on unconscious, malicious desires, such as pedophilia, or that they just haven’t figured themselves out yet. While these circumstances can and do occur, this is not the norm within the transgender community. Consider this: imagine if you were offered a large sum of money to physically transition to the opposite gender. Would you do it? For those who identify as cisgender (those who identify as the gender that matches their genitals), most would respond stating that they would not do it as they would rather continue presenting themselves as the gender they were born and identify to be. Most people would conclude that it just simply wouldn’t feel right. Now take that sense of it not feeling right and imagine being born into the opposite body. This gives a sense of what it feels like to be transgender. 2. Sexual orientation is linked to gender identity This one can get confusing but the most important thing to remember are the definitions of the terms. Sexual orientation is to whom you are attracted and gender identity is who someone is. For example, a transgender person can identify as a man even though he was assigned female at birth and also be gay (biologically he was born as a woman, identifies as a man, and is attracted to men). Getting to know the individual is the best way to fully understand this concept as these features become more easily understood through interaction. 3. Transgender people using the same bathroom as their gender identity is dangerous This one is a hot topic, particularly in states like North Carolina where bathroom choice has been an ongoing issue. But get this, in the US, there’s not a single reported instance of this kind of voyeurism occurring in states with legal protections for trans people. Read that again - not a single case! Terms like “not even remotely, “ “zero allegations,” and “no factual basis” are the norm as it pertains to these issues in these states. It makes you wonder about the thoughts and beliefs of those living in states without trans protection and where they come from. 4. Transitioning is as simple as one surgery Not. Even. Close. The transitioning process is a long, challenging process that is fraught with personal, legal, financial, and emotional challenges. Additionally, not all those who identify as transgender desire and seek to complete a physical transition - some seek to come out to some but not others verbally, some may just decide to legally change their name but chose to stay in the same body. However, for those who do chose to pursue a full transition oftentimes it is a long, arduous process in which they must navigate local, state, and federal laws before they are able to transition. For my clients who have chosen to transition, I have found that there is a tremendous amount of prep work mentally and emotionally that must happen before they can even think about making the full leap. It is crucial to have a support system in place to help guide you on your journey and ensure your own safety. 5. Children are not old enough to know their gender identity A study from the TransYouth project found that children as young as 5-years-old respond to psychological gender-association tests, which evaluate how people view themselves with gender roles, as quickly and consistently as those who don’t identify as trans. The goal is to identify if the individual identifies as gender dysphoria (distress one experiences as a result of his/her sex and gender assigned at birth), gender noncomformity (does not match masculine or feminine norms), or early experimentation (trying on different sexual orientations before able to decide which is right for them). Doctors urge to watch for consistence, persistence, insistence, and history of gender nonconformity when it comes to determining the child’s gender identity. One developmental psychologist believes that by age 6 you should know your gender identity or “something may be wrong with you.” 6. Transgender people are mentally ill This one, by far, is the one that burns me up the most! While transgender individuals can suffer from mental illness, being transgender is NOT, in and of itself, a mental illness. In the past, if a transgender individual sought psychotherapy, he/she might have been issued a psychological diagnosis of gender identity disorder. This diagnosis indicated that the individual was suffering from symptoms of mental illness based upon his/her gender identity. However, with the latest publication of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 in 2013, this diagnosis has been removed and replaced with Gender Dysphoria The distress a person experiences as a result of the sex and gender they were assigned at birth. In this case, the assigned sex and gender do not match the person's gender identity, and the person is transgender. Notice that the diagnosis is no longer considered a disorder but rather a psychological condition. This is tremendous progress! While it is still very challenging for a transgender individual to navigate a predominantly cisgender world, tremendous amounts of progress have been made over the past few years. Racism, prejudice, and hate are mitigated by ignorance. The more accurate information we have the better we are at understanding and appreciating one another’s differences. If you or someone you know is currently struggling with gender dysphoria or any issues related to the material shared here, counseling may help. I am an experienced, caring therapist and I offer LGBT affirming, supportive counseling services in my Charlotte, NC counseling clinic . Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Want to learn more about counseling in Charlotte, NC at Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness in Southpark Charlotte, NC? Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Suffering from LGBT-related issues and looking for LGBT counseling?  Connect with an LGBT counselor in Charlotte, NC and begin feeling relief from anxiety, depression, PTSD, and trauma today.  

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Ashley FrancisMarch 5, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
The terms “right-brained” and “left-brained” are used often to help explain our behavior. Whenever we are tying to make an argument that someone behaves the way they do, we often refer to the them either being left-brained or right-brained. However, scientific research shows that this is a myth! Honestly, when you really break it down, it seems so simple - certainly we are not ONLY using one half of our brains at a time! The brain is a highly complex organ that is responsible for a multitude of functions at any given time; responsible for both conscious and subconscious processes. It’s certainly more logical to consider that we are using various parts of both hemispheres at any given moment. So if this is true, why does the myth still prevail? To figure that out, we must first look at where the theory came from. Where did the right-brain/left-brain theory originate? Whenever I think of brain experiments, I begin to be flooded with images and references of Frankenstein. I imagine the green giant lying lifeless on an old-timey steel operating table with lights flickering, lightning filling the room with camera flashes of light, and thunder that you can feel in your chest. Suddenly the monster’s eyes shoot open and his body becomes infused with electrical energy and you hear those two infamous words “IT’S ALIIIIIIIVE!” While actual brain experiments in the mid-twentieth century were, in no doubt, creepy they weren’t always as entertaining as fiction (and sometimes they were)! In the 1960’s, psychologists Roger Sperry and Michael Gazzaniga sought a treatment for epilepsy by pursuing some unconventional methods of research. The team tested their theory by cutting the thick, bundle of fibers connecting the two hemispheres, also known as the corpus callosum. They found that by presenting stimuli to just one hemisphere of the brain at a time, they were able to discover that the two halves could act independently and with differing functions. What does each side do? Further research has been able to identify the types of tasks and abilities for which each half of the brain is responsible. For example, the right-brain has been found to be responsible for expressiveness and creative tasks. Other functions include: truthfulness being literal recognizing faces expressing and reading emotions music color imagination intuition creativity The left brain is more concerned with logic, language, and analytical thinking. Other examples include: critical thinking numbers reasoning objectivity black-or-white thinking science math From Sperry and Gazzaniga’s experiments, they were able to conclude that, generally speaking, functions of one side of the brain were responsible for functions of the opposite side of the body (however there are exceptions to this). More specifically, it was found that patients were not able to name certain objects while using the right side of the brain but they were able to label them while using the left side of the brain. Thus, it was concluded that the left side of the brain is primarily responsible for language. What the two halves are actually doing Sperry and Gazzaniga’s groundbreaking research paved the way for vast amounts of research to be conducted on the two hemispheres of the brain and their relation to one another. In fact, Sperry even earned a Nobel Peace Prize! However, as is often the case in neurobiology, uncovering new information begets more questions and the need for even more research ensues. Against researchers’ best efforts, in totality, we STILL don’t know that much about the brain - how it functions, why it works, etc. However, having a working understanding of some of the functions of each half of the brain has helped us to better understand language, behavior, emotions, and personality types. We also understand that the brain works best when it is able to put things into groups or categorize them; whenever we are presented with new information, our brain works feverishly trying to make sense of it. It is consistently trying to regain balance because that’s where it is happiest and most optimal. If this is the case, it is easy to see that it is imperative that each half of the brain does not operate on an island. There are various, complicated networks that are talking to each other all of the time, helping you try to get back to a place of balance, where things make sense. But what happens if you get stuck? Why mental health counseling is so effective A skilled therapist will assist you in utilizing both sides of the brain during conversation or through other techniques designed to go deeper, such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR ). A skilled therapist knows that this is when the brain is operating most efficiently and the brain is able to find a conclusion all on its own. This is also another reason why therapists don’t give advice - the answer is already within you, you simply just must be provided the path to find it. Why a holistic approach is best Now that we know that we are not simply using isolated parts of our brain, it makes sense that our approach to understanding the human body and overall health cannot be treated this way either. If we focus all of our efforts in one place, we are undoubtedly leaving crucial parts out and things are getting missed. While it is not possible to have all of the answers, it is my philosophy that techniques in mental healthcare should and must concentrate on mind, body, AND spirit (the importance of this will be further explored in future blogs). If the brain controls the body and the body controls movement then it only makes sense that both must be addressed in order for a person to keep moving forward. You simply cannot have one without the other. Not sure how to get connected, find balance, and optimize your journey on this spinning ball of dirt? No problem, you are not alone and you are no less intelligent for reaching out for help. Connect with the best holistic mental health therapist in Charlotte, NC by clicking below. Get Started Now Counseling Services in Charlotte, NC Anxiety Therapy in Charlotte, NC Depression Therapy in Charlotte, NC LGBT Therapy in Charlotte, NC PTSD Counseling in Charlotte, NC Energy Healing Services in Charlotte, NC Not ready to sign up yet? No sweat! Join our email list and begin receiving free tips and advice on how to start feeling better today. Want to learn more about counseling in Charlotte, NC at Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness in Southpark Charlotte, NC? Watch these videos to learn how to get started : How to Get Started with Therapy Take Tour of the Office How Long Will I be in Therapy? What to Expect During Your First Therapy Session

Ever wondered how right-brain and left-brain tasks affect mental health?  Connect with a counselor in Charlotte, NC today and start getting relief from anxiety, depression, trauma, and PTSD. 

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Ashley FrancisFebruary 20, 2019Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLLC
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Blue Sage Counseling and Wellness, PLL
5200 Park Rd. Suite 229-A,
Charlotte,
United States
704778-6141 ashley@bluesagecounselingandwellness.com
Hours
Mon 11am - 7pm
Tue 11am - 7pm
Wed 11am - 7pm
Thu 11am - 7pm
Fri 11am - 5pm

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Phone: (704) 778-6141 5200 Park Road Suite 229-A Charlotte, NC 28209

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