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Anger is a natural, human emotion. It's about transitioning from reacting to responding to the anger that can determine the outcome of our anger.

Anger is nearly always a secondary emotion, seeking to mask underlying emotions that are more difficult to manifest on their own. Therefore, they must ride on the coattails of anger before they have the chance of being exposed (for self-image example - getting cut off in traffic makes you angry, the millisecond before anger was fear of a collision).

One of the most common characteristics of someone who perpetually deals with anger is a poor self image that is driven by such negative core beliefs like "I'm not good enough" or "they're going to find out I'm a fraud."

The brain chemical, norepinephrine, is secreted when we experience anger, serving as an analgesic for the time being. Epinephrine is also secreted which revs us up so we get the experience of not having to feel our core wounds while particularly excited. This can make us feel self-righteous and blame our core wounds on others making us feel lighter for a little while. Pair the absence of carrying the difficult emotions around with excitement and we have a perfect recipe for an addiction!

Yes, some people are actually addicted to their anger!

The feelings we experienced right before anger were likely some version of a weaker part of ourselves (unlovable, not good enough, incompetent, etc) so anger helps us to feel powerful, even if it is just temporary. Thus, our addiction to our anger deepens.

While it is possible to manage and cope with our anger, this is ultimately ineffective and it is just a matter of time before you are struggling again.


Because coping skills and skills to help us manage are doing just that...helping us cope and manage...not heal nor transform!

In order to make peace with anger once and for all, you've got to identify the core negative self belief that is at the heart of the anger. This is where your work is...not the anger. The anger is the result of the negative core belief that just got stepped on.

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